


Really Good Bear (Dirt Road Rejects - One-shot Deleted Scene)

by FythyrWisp



Series: Dirt Road Rejects [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Backstory, Domestic, Family, Family Feels, Family History, Feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 01:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11956503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FythyrWisp/pseuds/FythyrWisp
Summary: (A/N: Y'all, I have not been greatly impacted by the hurricane, just so's you know. I mean, aside from the general suffering of those in my state as we cope with the devastation and loss, and do what we can to uplift and support our friends and neighbors, but as sure as 'Texas' means 'friendly,' we will pull through. We're all doing what we can.I have enough to start the next story, except for that pesky, and crucial title, and you guys know me, gotta be meaningful, preferably a three-word insult from some asshat that the group would proudly carry the mantle of... Oh, crap, I just gave away my formula.Anyway, here we go, something to tide you over. I meant to do more with this inanimate character in TBL, but it didn't fit where it was supposed to go, and I need it for the next one, maybe. Also, next deleted scene may be that night Kevin doesn't remember... I'm not sure.Thanks for reading! FythyrWisp)





	Really Good Bear (Dirt Road Rejects - One-shot Deleted Scene)

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: Y'all, I have not been greatly impacted by the hurricane, just so's you know. I mean, aside from the general suffering of those in my state as we cope with the devastation and loss, and do what we can to uplift and support our friends and neighbors, but as sure as 'Texas' means 'friendly,' we will pull through. We're all doing what we can.
> 
>  
> 
> I have enough to start the next story, except for that pesky, and crucial title, and you guys know me, gotta be meaningful, preferably a three-word insult from some asshat that the group would proudly carry the mantle of... Oh, crap, I just gave away my formula.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, here we go, something to tide you over. I meant to do more with this inanimate character in TBL, but it didn't fit where it was supposed to go, and I need it for the next one, maybe. Also, next deleted scene may be that night Kevin doesn't remember... I'm not sure.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading! FythyrWisp)

* * *

"I'm sure it was in here someplace." Claire said, shifting another dusty box.

"What color was it?" Ben asked. Xander looked up from the corner he was helping to search. 

"Um... Kind of like a really light brown. Has a red ribbon on its neck." Claire replied, stepping up onto a step ladder to check in some boxes on a high shelf. 

"And you're sure you left it in here?" Ben asked. 

"No... Damn thing could be anywhere." Claire replied. 

Ben pulled a box from a low shelf out onto the floor of the garage, opening the top of it. 

"Anything?" Claire asked from her high perch. 

"No," Ben replied, "Some photo albums... Like, book albums, even." 

Ben pulled out a large blue faux leather-bound album and flipped the cover open. He turned a few pages before calling across the garage, "Hey, Xander? Check it out. Pops had a ponytail." 

"No way." Xander replied, crossing the garage, eager to see for himself. 

"Yeah. His hair was lighter, too." 

Claire quickly climbed down, "Let me see that." 

Ben passed her the large, heavy book. On the page was a much younger version of her father, apparently at Burning Man, if the background was any indication. 

"So, what is that? Some kind of ren-fest, like that one Charlie made us go to?" Xander asked. 

"Um, not exactly, that's more like, uh... You know what? I don't know. I'm sure if you ask him about it, though, that's gonna spice up the conversation at dinner." 

* * *

Cas closed the door quietly as he arrived home, and immediately heard Nick bounding down the stairs to greet him.

"Hey, Pops." Xander said, passing him as he went through the living room, addressing him by the moniker he and Ben had spontaneously began using, as both of them were now referring to Dean as 'Dad,' "Claire was over a little while ago, she was looking for a bear." 

"A bear?" Cas asked, his mind immediately going to the most literal interpretation of the word. 

"Yeah, a little one with a red ribbon." 

A toy. Cas nodded, "I think I know the one, I didn't know she even knew it existed." 

* * *

** Six Years Ago **

* * *

The small gray Honda rolled smoothly into the driveway, in the dead of night. There were no signs of life, and the porch light was off. Turning off the headlights, he was grateful for the full moon.

Cas turned off the engine, "Claire?... We're here." 

He'd attempted to describe the house during the drive, as she'd asked, but she'd seemed so tired he wasn't sure she'd understood, and he was exhausted and unsure his description was accurate. He'd touched on the fact that the house was well outside of town, and the only neighbor was a fairly reclusive older gentleman who ran a junkyard. He'd been clear that things would be very different, and they would both need time to adjust. Mostly, though, the drive had been quiet. 

Claire woke rather abruptly, rubbing her face in a shaky manner before quickly getting out of the car, heaving her backpack onto her shoulder, and picking up her book and extra pair of shoes. 

She followed Cas up the steps of the front porch, looking around as he unlocked the front door, reaching inside to flip the light switch. 

Cas realized as he entered the large, comfortable, and clean living room, that it would be a stark contrast to what Claire was used to. He closed the front door after her and led the way upstairs. 

"I'm going to assume you can find your way around the kitchen in the morning?... I've been awake for over forty hours straight, so I'm not likely to hear my alarm at this point." Cas said quietly. 

"Yeah, I can make my own breakfast." Claire answered softly, something tiring coming to the surface in her voice. 

"I'm sure you'll figure out where everything is in the morning. In the meantime, though," Cas had reached the top of the stairs, and pointed to the three doors in the long wall to his right in turn, "That's my office, the bathroom, and my room, and this one here-" 

Cas opened the door to his left, just at the top of the stairs, stepping inside and turning on the light with Claire right behind him, "This was the guest room, but it's your room, now... I know it looks a bit boring for a teenager, but, we can paint, you can put up posters, personalize it a bit. Maybe we'll change the curtains or something. Anything short of knocking a hole in the wall, really, would be fine. Just, whatever you need to do to make this your space, all I ask is that you keep it in order." 

He watched her face as she looked around, the dark circles under her eyes more apparent than ever as she took in the large, comfortable bed, two big windows, a tall dresser, and a fairly basic and compact desk. He had no idea what her room at her mother's home had looked like, and suddenly he wished he'd thought to ask to see it, but if the one room he had seen was any indication, the plain and basic guest room had to be a vast improvement. Claire set her book down on the shelf of the desk, and he turned on a lamp on the bedside table, but as he turned around to leave, she set the backpack down on the desk chair, and he could have sworn she was cringing. He desperately hoped it wasn't because of the room. 

"I suppose you'll be needing some more clothes, then, since that's all you brought?" Cas asked, hoping to ease her mood, entirely unsure of himself, "My friend Charlie, she's, uh... She likes to go shopping, you'd probably be more comfortable going with her than wi-" 

Cas was cut off as Claire's thin arms were suddenly thrown around his middle in a tight hug, and he felt a small sob rattle her shoulders as the emotional dam burst. Two days ago, he would have considered a ten-minute online chat or phone call from her a pleasant surprise. He had been so comfortable with her when she was an infant, she'd been so tiny, and easy to care for. He had no idea where to start with a crying fourteen-year-old girl in his house. He wasn't even sure why she was crying. It made sense, he supposed, he'd just taken her away from everything she knew, from her mother, and entirely upended her life. At fourteen, she was still a child, and probably still learning to handle adult emotions. She had been concerned that her mother would be angry over her leaving. It could be anything. 

Suddenly he realized it had been about ten seconds since he'd last moved, and the situation was quickly becoming more awkward. He timidly patted the back of her shoulders as she pulled away, wiping her eyes. 

"Sorry." her voice was a whisper. 

"No, that's all right, you've had an unfairly hard time with all of this. But, anything you want to discuss, I'm sure it can wait until morning." 

Claire nodded, looking away, and Cas left the room, pulling the door mostly shut behind him. 

He tiredly made his way to his bed, regret slowly filling him that he hadn't taken the simple fatherly action of embracing his child, but there wasn't much to do about it now. 

The closet stood open wide, half of it in disarray, half of it empty. He'd expected as much. He thought back to their conversation as he'd hurried to leave. 

_"So then what?"_ Alan had asked, _"If she's really on drugs, what? You send her to live with family?"_

_"What 'family?' I wouldn't know how to contact Amelia's relatives, if she even has any, and I don't have anyone on my side to take her. If Claire's not safe where she is, then I'm bringing her home with me. I'll sort out the legal paperwork later. It's not like she's some troubled teen, and even if she were, I'm her father, I owe her a safe and stable home."_ Cas had answered him. 

_"Here?... You're just going to bring her here, and call it a day? You don't even want to discuss it?"_

_"She's my daughter. If she's in danger, what is there to discuss?"_ Cas said firmly. 

_"Well, God, I just thought maybe we'd get a cat first."_ Alan had spouted sarcastically, leaving the room in a huff. 

Cas had barely kicked off his shoes to stretch out on the bed, when he noticed a piece of paper in the middle of it and picked it up as he lay down, turning on the lamp next to the bed. 

_Cas, I tried. You wouldn't even talk about it, you just decided on your own to bring a child into our home, and that's not what I want in my life. You're an asshole. You're completely selfish to think I wouldn't have any objections to this, you have no idea what you're doing, you know I can't stand kids, and I'm not about to let you force me into living with a little PMSing drama machine. Hopefully, you've just temporarily lost your damn mind. If you unload the brat you have my number, but before you call me, you better be damn good and sure this isn't going to happen again. I don't want to see her, meet her, any of it, so don't ask, and if you can't handle that, you don't deserve me. Sort yourself out. Alan_

Cas crumpled the paper thoroughly, too tired to think properly, save for the choice language drifting through his mind, and dropped it to the floor next to the bed. _Selfish._

Inside the open closet door, on the shelf above his clothes, Cas could see the golden brown teddy bear with the red ribbon around the throat, the only object from Claire's former nursery that hadn't been packed away and eventually donated or sold. It had fallen over on its side, likely knocked over in Alan's careless and hasty packing.

There was something in it's artificial eyes that spoke of patience, unconditional love, and an eternal forgiveness every decent parent wanted to have for their child. It reminded him strongly of a bear he'd had as a boy, a bit larger and a darker color, that had likely been thrown out during his time at boarding school. Of all the things he could have kept for her, this was the only object that ever seemed to matter. Purchasing it had made her more real to him, and keeping it after she'd been taken away had reassured him through the worst of his grief that she had existed, and he wasn't crazy. 

A very large part of him wanted to get back out of bed and take it to her immediately, but her age and their estranged relationship stopped him. 

He fell asleep staring at the small bear. 

It felt like only moments had passed when he awoke, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table to find it was already early afternoon. 

Cas sat up groggily and reached for his phone, the wide open closet staring at him in an accusational manner as he dialed Charlie's number. 

"Hey, Cas, what's up? And talk fast, because I've got a dungeon run in like, ten minutes, and hot pockets aren't going to microwave themselves." Charlie's voice came through. 

"Alan left." 

"What? Why?" 

"Because my daughter moved in." 

"How-? Cas! You are the least impulsive person I know, are you on drugs?" 

"No. Claire's mother is... She called me, said she needed to leave, so I went to see her. Amelia was passed out on the floor, there were needles laying around. I had to bring her home with me, I couldn't leave her there." 

Charlie sighed heavily, "Poor kid. Okay, so, baby-mama-drama, and you're a single full-time dad now?" 

"Yes, but-" 

"Wow. That is really going to be a big adjustment. Not that I'm not supportive, I mean, you got this. And Alan sucked, anyway." 

"Charlie-" 

"Yeah? Sorry. I know, you called me, I'm supposed to let you talk, what's up?" 

"She, um... She didn't bring much, I don't know what all she has, but, uh... One backpack... That can't hold everything she needs, right?" 

Charlie hummed, "Well, are we talking backpack-through-the-Alps size backpack, or school-sized?" 

"School sized." 

"Oh, hell no. I mean, maybe she's into the minimalist thing, but, no. No way. Fifteen, right?" 

"No, fourteen." 

"Close enough. I can pack for a week in one backpack, there's no way. Just, absolutely no way." 

"I just... I don't want to intrude, but I want to be sure she has everything she needs. I know this is uncomfortable enough for her already, and I-" 

"Bras and tampons and stuff?" 

"Exactly." Cas replied, standing up. He crossed the room to the half empty closet, and spread out his clothes a bit more on the bar to lessen the emptiness, taking the bear down from the shelf, "So, it would be a huge help if you could-" 

"Borrow your credit card and your kid and set her up? I'll be over in a couple of hours... Actually, better make it three, I'm not sure about this new healer in our raid group." 

"Thank you." 

"Hey, anytime. And relax, okay? She's probably lonely and scared, and just needs to know she's safe." 

Cas set the bear down on the low dresser and closed the closet doors as Charlie quickly got off the phone. 

One quick shower later, Cas dressed and found the bear was still staring at him from the dresser, and picked it up as he left the room. He'd intended to leave it in Claire's room, but as he reached the top of the stairs, found her door was closed. He could hear the sound of the television downstairs, but still felt opening the door would be intrusive, and changed course by a few steps, leaving it on a shelf by the door just inside his office before heading downstairs. 

Claire was curled into a tiny ball in one corner of the couch, flipping through channels and quickly getting the hang of the remote. 

"Hey," she said, looking up anxiously, "So, um, any rules about what I can watch? Because, I don't know, my mom never cared, and some of my friends' parents had, like, weird TV rules." 

Cas shrugged, "I'm not really sure what would be appropriate... I'm, uh... I'm new at the parenting thing. We'll just play it by ear for now." 

Claire nodded and started to turn back to the television, pulling up a menu. Cas started for the kitchen, but then turned back around. 

"Oh, and I think I mentioned my friend Charlie last night, she's going to be along in a few hours, she wants to take you shopping." 

Claire's eyebrows went up, "But I don't need anything." 

"I would feel better knowing you have more than the bare minimum to scrape by on. I know she's a complete stranger to you, but she's really very friendly. And in a couple of months, there's going to be regular school shopping, anyway, so just a few things should be fine, but I think I'll defer to Charlie on that." Cas was trying to be reassuring, but Claire still looked anxious. 

* * *

** Now **

* * *

Cas chuckled and shook his head, "That's not exactly what happened, the group I went to Burning Man with got separated and each side thought I was with the other. They met up for lunch, and realized I wasn't there. But I got a ride into town and managed to track them down, everything was fine."

"I bet it's easier now, with cell phones, right?" 

"I had a cell phone then, but there was very little signal in the area." Cas explained. 

"So what about that bear Claire's looking for? Where did it go?" Ben asked, reaching for a bowl of potatoes. 

Cas shrugged, "It had been in my office for a long time, I'm not entirely sure where it is now. I know I put it in a box when we were moving you in there." 

"It's in the attic, you had me put that last box up there with most of the photos from that wall. It was in the top of the box." Dean answered, taking his phone from his pocket, "I'll send her a text." 

* * *

Alfie had been on the verge of sleep, stretched out on the couch with Claire wrapped around him, her weight more than comfortable, and the sound of her show playing quietly when she shifted suddenly to retrieve her phone, and sat up. He gave a hint of a sound of protest.

"Awesome." Claire muttered. 

"What's awesome?" Alfie asked, as she set the phone down on the coffee table and started lacing her boots. At her lack of a response, he glanced at her phone, the words still on the screen, "'The bear is in the attic.' Is that code for something?" 

"Yeah. It's code for the bear, which is a bear, being in the attic, meaning the crawlspace above the second floor." 

Alfie scratched at his rumpled hair, "So, like, a bear? ...Does Dean need a gun?" 

She shook her head with a chuckle, "Go back to sleep." 

"No. How did the bear get up there? ...Ben, right? Like a cub, or something? He probably had Xander help him." 

"It's a teddy bear. In the attic. I was over there looking in the garage for it today." Claire looked up to find him frowning, "What?" 

"I thought I was your teddy bear." 

"You couldn't have that any more backward than you already do." Claire replied, standing up. 

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. So, are you going over there to get it?" he asked. 

"Yeah, I'll be back in a bit." 

"Any particular reason it's important?" 

"It's not." 

* * *

** Twenty-one Years Ago **

* * *

Cas sat down at the small table in the coffee shop, facing Amelia, "What was so important you couldn't say it on the phone? Did something happen to Marc?"

Her eyes were red, but he didn't catch any hint of marijuana scent. She shook her head, "Well, you know he said she lied, right? That the charges were fake? Well, they picked him up yesterday." 

"So he was the one that beat that child senseless?" 

"Yeah... He's not getting out any time soon." 

"Still could have saved us both the trip-" 

"Cas, please, just listen." 

"Amelia, I know, okay? I know you said if he was out of your life, but I'm really not interested." Cas spoke over her, "I came out, okay? And we are just, well, not each other's type, we never have been." 

"That's not it." 

"What, then?" 

"I'm pregnant." 

"Congratulations." he answered dryly. 

Amelia's face twisted and tears began anew, "Just for that shit, I hope it's yours! ...Hell, I hope it's yours just so it's not Marc's..." 

He sobered quickly as her words clicked into place in his mind, "Maybe you were already...?" 

Amelia shook her head, pulling a napkin out of the dispenser on the table, "No...God, his girlfriend is going to be pissed if she finds out... I don't know what to do." 

"So there's a slim chance? Seems like a long shot. I mean, considering the specifics that evening-" Cas stopped abruptly as a moment from the drunken haze came back to him, "Okay... Right, there's certainly a possibility... But all those other evenings you spent with him, he's much a more likely candidate." 

"Cas, even if I cover this up, if he finds out, and he gets out later, after what he did? If he tries to get involved?" 

"You want to list me on the paperwork." Cas guessed. 

"It's safer for the baby." 

"Amelia, what kind of mother are you going to be? I'm not sure I'd trust you with a goldfish. Meanwhile, there are plenty of loving childless homes, maybe you should consider your options." 

"Castiel! God! I know what I'm doing, okay? I just need to make sure Marc can't screw things up. I mean, if he can do that to his girlfriend's son, what's he likely to do to his own child?" 

Cas shrugged, "Who would you go to for this if I hadn't been at your little party last month?" 

"You mean, who else do I trust not to file paperwork and try to take my baby? I don't. You're not going to stalk me or try to 'get back together,' since we were never together in the first place, and Marc wouldn't go near you or he'd have to admit you guys were busy on the side, too. And let's face it, you're probably stuck being childless now, right? Because even if you managed something later and tried to adopt, you'd be screwed, so, what's one kid gonna hurt things for you? This is the best way out, for everybody." 

Cas looked out the window, "There's always the clinic on South-" 

"Shut up!" she snapped. 

"Okay, fine. If you're going to keep it, I suppose, better me than him. But just so we're clear, I think you've put me off threesomes, permanently... You can put me on the birth certificate. But I do want to be involved, sometimes, it'll make it more real-looking, so there's less likely to be rumors when he gets out." 

"You want to be involved? Like, actually see the baby?" 

"If we're agreeing that it's my child, then, yes. Informally, of course. But you're using my name, I'm on the hook if you ever file for child support, so, I want to see the child occasionally. You can't possibly want to do this entirely by yourself. As such, I'll also help you out a bit, again, informally." 

* * *

Cas had walked to the coffee shop, and was on his way back to his apartment near campus, his mind heavy, when he found he'd stopped walking, and was staring into a shop window.

He loved the center of town, where in a few dense city blocks, it wasn't so obvious that everyone drove everywhere, and miles of nothing surrounded the tiny city. He'd been considering the possibility of selling his family's land and moving back to Germany after graduation, especially after having become the laughing stock of the senior class just months before. He'd even been checking ticket prices. 

A baby... He was about to graduate, he owned several acres outside of town with a dusty old house that had once been his parents', and a smaller, dilapidated place just inside the city limits that he'd been entertaining offers on since Gabe had passed it up, shortly before ruining Cas' life. 

He considered calling Amelia back and telling her he'd changed his mind, selling everything off and going back to Europe with nothing more than a degree and the clothes on his back, and the money from the sale of the last Novak property in the area, but.... a baby. 

Shaking his head, Cas entered the shop. He'd never been inside before, it was a second-hand children's boutique. Someplace someone like him, the newly-out Cas Novak, 'the tree-fucker,' stood out like a sore thumb. 

"Can I help you, sir?" 

Cas turned around to see a chipper elderly woman looking up at him. 

"I'm, uh, I'm going to be a father soon. I wanted to get something for the baby." 

She nodded, "Boy or girl?" 

"Um, it's still too early." 

"I see." 

"That bear in the window, is that for sale, or just a display?" Cas asked. 

"The one with the bow? Well, that's a good choice. Every nursery needs a really good bear." the elderly woman said with a smile. 

* * *

** Now **

* * *

The attic was dark, dry, and had very little to see. A few sheets of plywood sat unfastened over bare boards, and insulation covered everything else. Coated electrical wires ran unhidden, and a few of the boards had water stains from previous leaks. Everything was silently unaware of the lives lived below the large, low, empty room that housed a stillness not unlike a crypt.

A creak broke the silence as the trap door swung down, and the hints of voices became louder, the ladder unfolding. Cas came up first, followed by Claire. 

"...walking home, right after she told me, I had a million things going through my mind, but I stopped and got it anyway. It just seemed to make things more real... Of course, at that time, I wasn't even sure she was telling the truth." 

"If you thought she was lying, why get it?" Claire asked. 

"I'm not sure." Cas replied, "I was a very different person, then. But she wasn't lying, obviously, because here you are." 

Cas opened the top of a cardboard box sitting off to the side, one he didn't remember placing in the attic himself, as Claire looked around the dark space with help from the light of her phone. 

"Here it is." Cas said, standing up again as much as he could before turning around, passing her the bear, "The very first thing I ever got for you. Any particular reason you were looking for it?" 

Claire rubbed at her nose with the back of her hand as she accepted it, the dust starting to irritate her, "No reason, really... Just, I guess I saw it in your office enough times, sometimes I have dreams about it." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, like, um, when I had that car accident, I dreamt I was talking to Bobby, and really, I was remembering when he gave me that gun, in case mom showed up, but, um... No, he was passing me this bear instead. And then one time it was in his beer-cooler. I have no idea what that was about." 

"Well, there it is. Of course, it's yours to do what you like with it, although I'm sure you could find better uses for a cooler." 

"I just thought I'd put it on a shelf. I mean, obviously it's a really good bear, I probably just didn't notice it in your office for so long because of all those creepy pictures." 

"They weren't that creepy." 

"If I didn't live here, and they didn't have frames, it would have looked like you were stalking somebody." 

"I don't stalk people." 

"Sure you do, you stalked Dean, after you ran over Ben with the car." Claire said, going backward down the ladder, the bear tucked into her elbow. 

"I wasn't stalking him. He's the one who asked me out." 

"I bet you'd stalk John Barrowman, though." 

"Of course I would." Cas replied, following after her. 

"Does Dean know that?" Claire asked, folding up the ladder. 

"Dean would go with me." Cas replied, closing the trap door. 

The attic fell silent once again, to be forgotten and untouched for months at a time. 

* * *

** Twenty Years Ago **

* * *

Jason woke to realize the other half of the bed was empty, and got up in search of his lover.

The moment he opened the door, though, it was painfully obvious where Cas had gone. Same as always. 

Jason approached the open door to Claire's nursery, long shadows coming from the small bit of light that shone through the window. Cas had fallen asleep in the rocking chair again, but this time instead of cradling it, he'd left the bear in the corner of the crib. 

"Babe?" Jason asked softly, causing Cas' head to rock back to an upright position from where it had lulled, "Come on, honey, the bed's getting cold." 

He took Cas' hands and tried to pull him up from the chair, but Cas resisted his efforts. With a nod, Jason sat down on the floor, his back to the crib. 

"Cas... You keep doing this, it's been months... You need to see somebody." 

"I'm not crazy." 

"No, you're hurting. And that's okay, but this isn't healthy... I can't fix this for you, and Amelia's not moving back. You need to get this stuff out of here. It's hurting you to keep it around." Jason looked around the room at the many pink accessories and cream colored furniture, "You tried, hon. You tried to be a good daddy, but that little girl? She's Amelia's. If you aren't going to push for the paperwork, and even if you do, she's not going to be your kid, not really. She has your blood, your name, and if she wants to see you, maybe it'll happen, but by then, she's gonna be way too big for this crib." 

"What am I supposed to do?" Cas asked, his voice raspy with tears and sleep. 

"Move on... You keep your heart open for her, always, but you move on... If she ever comes back to visit, a guest room would work just fine. But this? You're torturing yourself." 

Cas shook his head, leaning forward, making Jason hopeful he'd get out of the chair. 

"Cas, you... I can't do this. I know you're hurting, but you're not taking care of yourself, and as much as I want to be here for you, I can't do it anymore. I can't get dragged down with you, not if you're making every effort to stay in this bad spot." 

"I thought you cared." 

"Of course I care. But I'm over here caring about you, and you're over there caring too much about staying in your funk to care about you, and that's why you're stuck... I love you, Cas. But-" 

"I need you to stay." 

"Casti, you're a mess, inside and out. I know, because I'm a mess, too, but I'm too much a mess to save us both... It's been months, babe." Jason reached for Cas' hand, but Cas didn't move, "Hon, you have to call her up and get your baby back, or you have to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. I'm starting to get anxious just coming up the stairs that you're gonna be in here, crying again. You barely leave the house..." 

"You mean to tell me you're leaving me." 

"Not if you scrape yourself back together. Or, just make an effort to try." 

Cas nodded, "So you're leaving me." 

Jason dropped his hand from Cas', "Looks like it." 

* * *

** Now **

* * *

Alfie picked up the stuffed bear from the coffee table, "So... I mean, I know it's yours, and you should have it, but... Is this something important I should know about?"

Claire shook her head, "Not really... But almost every time I dream about Bobby, this bear is around somewhere." 

"You dream about Bobby?" Alfie asked softly. 

"Yeah, sometimes." 

"Does he say anything?" 

"Yeah. Well, sometimes it's memories, nothing important. One time I dreamed he was yelling at Dean, and then he told me to let Dean give me his car, but that was... I was having a rough time-" 

"Lexus... You told me. I just thought it was a one-off." Alfie set the bear down and opened his arms, a typical motion for the two of them as Claire slid closer, "I never dream about Bobby. I wish I did, though, I'd have a lot to say to him." 

"Like what?" Claire asked, leaning her forehead against his cheekbone. 

"Um, tell him he was right about you, to start with. I mean, dead-on." 

"What did he say?" 

"He said you were grumpy, but if I was good to you, you'd be a real sweetheart. He also said you... He said we were both a mess, and-" 

"No he didn't. Don't lie to me." 

"Okay, then, I plead the fifth." 

Claire pursed her lips, then began unfastening the buttons at the top of his shirt under the guise of playing with the fabric, "Are you sure you want to do that?" 

Alfie let his head fall back in exasperation, "Oh, what's the point, you'll get it out of me one way or another." 

"Yeah, I will." Claire replied, putting a finger to his chin. 

"He said I'd learn fast not to push you, because you'd kick my ass in a heartbeat." 

Claire chuckled, "Got that right." 

"It's not that funny, I'm pretty sure I could hold my own." 

"Yeah, but you wouldn't. I could take you." 

"You 'take me' because I let you. I'm probably stronger than you are. Well, physically." 

"You sound pretty sure of yourself." 

"Well, I can pick you up, so-" 

"You think I can't lift you? And anyway, that's not the point, it's completely different, being able to lift somebody isn't the same as being able to kick their ass." Claire said, getting to her feet and tugging on his hand, "C'mon, let's go outside, we'll find out." 

Alfie yanked his hand away, his voice somewhat shaken, "No." 

Claire smirked, "Scared?" 

Alfie met her eyes with genuine concern, "Yeah, actually... I can't do this with you." 

"Alfie-" 

"We do this, even a little bit, we take a risk that nobody wins. You might get scared and attack me for real, feel guilty about it later, or tonight, you might wake up freaking out and afraid to be anywhere near me. I won't, okay? ...I can't." 

"You really don't think I can handle it?" 

"I can't handle it." Alfie replied, looking away in a very still, but internally agitated manner, "Please don't bring this up again, okay?" 

Claire's irritated mood was written all over her face, and he quickly tried to diffuse it. 

"Also... I've seen what you've done to Dean's face a couple of times over, now, so, y'know, if you panicked... Just... ow." 

Her expression seemed to change to bored, and she glanced into the kitchen, "Okay, better idea, we settle this with arm wrestling." 

Alfie smirked, "You just want to pin me to the table." 

* * *


End file.
